I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
Randomize
