you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Randomize