You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
