Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Randomize
