WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
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