Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
