Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
You ruined the universe
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
