I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
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