ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
