listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
