Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
