No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
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