someone threw a dead crab at me
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Randomize
