Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize