Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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