conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
