I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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