So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
