I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
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