took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize