beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
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