im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
