My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
