I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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