When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
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