have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
