Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
