I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Randomize
