Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
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