And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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