Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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