I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
