I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
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