So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
Michael Bay diarrhea
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Randomize
