I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
that is very illegal...i love you.
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