Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
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