Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Randomize
