all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
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