Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
