Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Randomize
