Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
