shes about as inviting as chlamydia
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
