He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Randomize
