Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
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