And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
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