I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Randomize
