I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Randomize
