why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
Randomize
