someone threw a dead crab at me
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
