i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
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