Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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