Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
