just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
