the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
