and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
