drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Randomize
