Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
