; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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