Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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