he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Randomize
