In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
