Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Randomize
