He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
