He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
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