i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
