I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
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