Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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