We won't sleep together?
I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Randomize
