I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
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