i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
