You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
goodnight i made you a song goodbye
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Randomize
