Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Randomize
