I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Randomize
