fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
She needs sedatives and a leash
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Randomize
