We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
