At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
Moan for me like Helen Keller
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
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He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
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