Cold hands, warm shart.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Randomize
