I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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