Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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