Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Randomize
